Sex Drive

© 2014-2017 Ken Finton

Do men have a greater desire for sex than women?

Many studies have been done to compare the sexual appetites of men and women. How many of them have any value for us as individuals?

Probably none, because as individuals we vary greatly. Not one of us is a typical cross sample because typical samples do not exist. Statistics are mathematical averages like the average temperature in a given month.

I can only tell you of my appetites. I know nothing of yours.

I can bear witness to the fact that sex is a driving force in adolescent years and reduces in importance with time and age. They say this is partially caused by a decrease in testosterone output as men age. Obviously, nature has not objected to this decrease. It seems to be a natural and inherited process that leads some to a more focused use of their time and effort.

Scientists will tell you that is due to a hormone they call ‘testosterone’. The blood level of this hormone is seven to eight time higher than in a woman.

When given this hormone, “At the higher dose, the percentages of women who had sexual fantasies, masturbated, or engaged in sexual intercourse at least once a week increased two to three times from baseline.” [The New England Journal of Medicine, September 7, 2000.]

This then shows that a high sex drive is a product of male hormonal levels?

Maybe not. The tests were conducted on women who had hysterectomies and hormonal disorders.

I can tell you this. I have desired thousands more women than women have desired me. That is the primary difference between male and female appetites.

It does not take that much to set a man off on the road to desire. It is a path he has followed all his life.

Women Are More Selective

It is likely an ancient biological trait that enabled the choice of stronger, more dependable mates for the procreation of the family group,

That is why there is a battle of the sexes. That is why many men feel rejected, lose self-confidence, then settle for less desirable women. This balance populates the world.

Though men may exercise their sexual desire every day—even every few hours—that does not mean that they act upon it.

Affairs are complicated. They can be quite frightening. Affairs have as many implications as there are individuals involved. Affairs are uncertain and can often be time-consuming. Consenting individuals that have not been truthful in their motives to either themselves or their partners make the grist for the massive amounts of pulp fiction that washes over our social oceans.

Woman are only fertile for a short time each month. In order for the human race to persist, the man needs to be ready for sex when this occurs. What better way could nature devise than for a man to be ready than to give the males a bigger dose of carnal longing?

Who Leads the Seduction? 

The woman must be willing—unless physically forced. Inhibitions can also affect willingness. The fact that so many of us walk the earth is a clear sign that most women are not that inhibited at least some of the time. By responding to a man’s advances, the woman is not the victim of carnal desire, but a willing participant and the primary instigator of the sexual contact.

Do I hear a nay-not-so in the distance?

Then think about it. Without an agreement, conjugal acts are deemed vile. The agreement for conjugal relations is sealed by the woman.

Do Men Tire of Their Partners?

There is the story of the farmer whose spouse was starving for sexual attention. She reminded him of the prize bull that they kept penned. “Old Ben” has no trouble satisfying the cows whenever he is called upon for service,” she says.

“But not with the same cow,” was her husband’s reply.

Although sexual familiarity becomes routine, most men do not use that as an excuse for frequent affairs. These affairs require work. Many men are too lazy to have an affair. These affairs may require change. Comfortable people generally like to keep things the way they are. These affairs require much energy, and the body has only so much of that to give.

On the whole, one would think that a man and a woman’s sex drive should be about equal. Once procreation is removed from the picture, the woman might even have a stronger drive than the man. The big difference is the woman’s ability to say “Yes.”

Men cannot sexually perform repeatedly as women can. This difference in biology can be used to show that women can have an even greater sexual appetite than men. Visions and tales of profligate women abound. These stories put the braggadocio of the world’s playboys to shame.

The Roman Empress Theodora would take on thirty slaves at a time to make certain that she was properly served. According to Procopius, she used all three of her body openings and lamented not having a fourth of a fifth that could be filled.

Pliny the Elder told us of Messalina, wife of Claudius, cousin to Nero and Caligula. She was one of the most promiscuous women in Rome. She competed with a prostitute to see who could have sex with the most men in a single night. Messalina won the contest.

Women generally bear the burden of conception as long as they live. This does not have to be so for men. They can hop on their horses and ride off into the sunset.  So can women, but it does not happen nearly as often.

Women develop an ability to please and be of service that few men can ever possess. So we have cultures where woman are born and raised to please and men are born and raised to be pleased.

None of us made this world. We were born into it. We have to deal with it as we can. We learn to change what we can—provided we have the will to do so. Comfort decreases the will for change. Discomfort increases it.

Sexual appetites are as important to us as food itself—men and woman alike—provided they are healthy both mentally and physically. For some, it seems a shame that society perverts these ancient longings for the sake of social perpetuity and family structure, yet nature has many species that have the same sexual preference and mate for life.

We use sex as a tool in many ways. We learn at an early age to exploit sexual energy.

Advertisements flood us with promises of sexual gratification. Movies and books fill us up with fantasies and stories that we might have never known, had we not been semi-literate moviegoers and seekers of the mysterious unknown.

Pornography is a depression-proof business. Prostitutes, they say, are practitioners of the world’s oldest profession. Where prostitution is legal, sex crimes are much rarer.

So it seems that whether men have a stronger sex drive than women is not an important question at all. Every woman is different. Every man has his own private longings and dreams.

All of which brings us back to where we began, as does any cycle of life.

We should be thankful that this is so.