Opinion

PAYING FOR SEX

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by Kenneth Harper Finton ©2014

 

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In the Old West, the first thing the dusty lone stranger did when he got to the muddy streets of the town was clean up a bit and go the saloon. He wanted a drink and companionship. There among the spittoons below the brass railed bar, he could look in the mirror behind the bar and view the buxom ladies who were quite willing to take him upstairs and make love for a reasonable fee.

Prostitution has been recognized and controlled by law for thousands of years. Sumerian records from 2400 BC speaks of kar, the term for a prostitute as a bona fide profession. The code of Hammurabi, in 1780 B.C. Specifically refers to the rights of prostitutes. “179. If a “sister of a god,” or a prostitute, receive a gift from her father, and a deed in which it has been explicitly stated that she may dispose of it as she pleases, and give her complete disposition thereof: if then her father die, then she may leave her property to whomsoever she pleases. Her brothers can raise no claim thereto.”

Theodora, the wife of Justinian, was co-ruler of the Eastern Roman Empire. It is said that she took to harlotry like a duck takes to water. Procopius said that she gave her youth to anyone she met in utter abandonment,” then went on to describe her sexual exploits in detail.

Newsweek published an article in 2011 called “The Growing Demand for Prostitution.” It stated that “Surprisingly little is known about the age-old practice of buying sex, long assumed to be inevitable. No one even knows what proportion of the male population does it; estimates range from 16 percent to 80 percent.”

There are studies and statistics, however, In Cambodia, a whopping 60 to 80% of the men pay for sex. In the United States it falls to 15 to 20%. In Holland, where prostitution is legal and licensed by the government, the percentage is just a little higher that in the United States. In Japan, it is tacitly understood that a business man has the right to join with his associates in a visit to the red light district.

Many Muslims the practice Muta, a temporary marriage contract where the man pays a woman for sexual favors.

There are almost as many reasons for paying for sex as there are occurrences. Many women think that the only reason men pay is because they are too homely or anti-social to strike up a sexual relationship with another.

Some men point to the cost effectiveness of hiring a woman. They bring no emotional baggage to the table, they say. Others seek out what they cannot get at home in their married relationships. For obvious reasons, men in higher income groups spend more on sex than those who struggle to make ends meet.

My own experience, being a part of that 100% that make the male population, is quite limited. I will not go into it now, but I might write a story about this unforgettable experience in the future.

That being said, the energy expended sexual release must have some psychic value and bring some type of change to the life of the participants. One cannot expend energy without changing something. Whether that energy is released for pay or for free, something in nature changes.

Is anything free in nature? Since everything has a value in the human experience, then everything has a price. Even the act of breathing is a form of using energy, but we need to breath if we are to continue living. Breathing is the price of living for us and the cost of breathing is measured in aging.

 

THE PRICE OF ADMISSION by F. Scott Fitzgerald

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A LETTER FROM F. SCOTT FITZGERALD:

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Left: Image of Zelda published in Metropolitan Magazine in June 1922, accompanying her piece “Eulogy of a Flapper”. Right: A study of F. Scott Fitzgerald by Gordon Bryant, published in Shadowland magazine in 1921. – See more at: http://publicdomainreview.org/2011/09/26/a-few-words-about-f-scott-fitzgerald/#sthash.BvnI9yhu.dpuf

 

(Source: F. Scott Fitzgerald: A Life in Letters; Image: F. Scott Fitzgerald.)

 

In 1938 the world was preparing for World War II. Fitzgerald lived in Culver City, California and was about to lose his very lucrative $1,250 per week contract with MGM as a screenwriter for the movies. On the 9th of November, 1938, a young woman named Frances Trumbell, sent the famous writer a story for review. That same night Germany looted and burned 7,500 Jewish businesses on “the night of broken class.” The young woman, a sophomore at Radcliffe University, wanted feedback from Fitzgerald. Fitsgerald was not impressed, though he said her writing was “smooth and agreeable and some of the pages are very apt and charming.”

History does not record how the young woman reacted to his letter. We can only imagine that she abandoned further attempt to become a writer when he said, “it doesn’t seem worthwhile to analyze why this story isn’t salable.”

 

 

November 9, 1938

Dear Frances:

I’ve read the story carefully and, Frances, I’m afraid the price for doing professional work is a good deal higher than you are prepared to pay at present. You’ve got to sell your heart, your strongest reactions, not the little minor things that only touch you lightly, the little experiences that you might tell at dinner. This is especially true when you begin to write, when you have not yet developed the tricks of interesting people on paper, when you have none of the technique which it takes time to learn. When, in short, you have only your emotions to sell.

This is the experience of all writers. It was necessary for Dickens to put into Oliver Twist the child’s passionate resentment at being abused and starved that had haunted his whole childhood. Ernest Hemingway’s first stories “In Our Time” went right down to the bottom of all that he had ever felt and known. In “This Side of Paradise” I wrote about a love affair that was still bleeding as fresh as the skin wound on a haemophile.

The amateur, seeing how the professional having learned all that he’ll ever learn about writing can take a trivial thing such as the most superficial reactions of three uncharacterized girls and make it witty and charming—the amateur thinks he or she can do the same. But the amateur can only realize his ability to transfer his emotions to another person by some such desperate and radical expedient as tearing your first tragic love story out of your heart and putting it on pages for people to see.

That, anyhow, is the price of admission. Whether you are prepared to pay it or, whether it coincides or conflicts with your attitude on what is “nice” is something for you to decide. But literature, even light literature, will accept nothing less from the neophyte. It is one of those professions that wants the “works.” You wouldn’t be interested in a soldier who was only a little brave.

In the light of this, it doesn’t seem worth while to analyze why this story isn’t saleable but I am too fond of you to kid you along about it, as one tends to do at my age. If you ever decide to tell your stories, no one would be more interested than,

Your old friend,

F. Scott Fitzgerald

P.S. I might say that the writing is smooth and agreeable and some of the pages very apt and charming. You have talent—which is the equivalent of a soldier having the right physical qualifications for entering West Point.

 

 

SUPPORTING WRITERS AND THEIR WORK

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ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST

This month we lost another outlet for writers of short fiction and poetry. Pithy Pages has closed their doors. Writers, of course, need readers but unless readers support the writers by buying their works, contributing to their continued efforts, and commenting on their blog pages, then the accomplished writers will be driven to other ways of communication of will give up their efforts entirely. The publishers at Pithy Pages have gracefully allowed me to reprint their final comments on their short-lived project.

 

From the Publishers of Pithy Pages For Erudite Readers

 

This is our last issue  and quite frankly we think it is unfortunate. We have had a wonderful time reading the many, many stories submitted by a wide range of authors. One of the most difficult things any publisher must do is select a few stories for publication from the many received. The authors we have published have proven to be as gracious as they are talented, making our relationships with them both pleasurable and satisfying.

The fact that we have enjoyed our foray into the publishing world begs the question: Why are we ending our publication? The quick and easy answer is that our publishers and editors are talented writers and avid readers, but lousy business people. The longer answer is a bit more complicated.

In their role as authors, our staff members are constantly writing and submitting their works to a variety of venues for publication. When a publisher accepts their work, they would like to be paid a decent rate.

Unfortunately there are fewer and fewer publishers who will (or can) pay a good rate, making competition among authors fierce for the few spots available. Why is that so?

Publishers too, would like to be paid for their time and effort. To do this each publisher must decide to work as a profit or non-profit company. Pithy Pages chose the former because our publishers believe that the literary public, rather than government or some wealthy foundation, should support the publication of the short fiction they read or write. That being said, there are two ways to generate revenue from a publication: subscription fees and/or advertising. We tried both with dismal results. It turns out that there is more interest in writing short fiction than in reading it. It seems that the only people left to support the publication of short fiction are the authors working in the genre. Unfortunately, short fiction authors are under the incorrect assumption that people are lining up to read their work … They should be (it is really, really good) but they’re not, preferring the latest full-length novel (now showing as a movie).

Without direct and active intervention of the writers of short fiction the genre will continue to be a quaint, underpaid, and unappreciated art form. We, therefore, offer the following solution. Every author and aspiring author of short fiction should set aside ten dollars a week to support the publications of short fiction. When this is done, publishers will be able to sell enough subscriptions to stay in business and to continue to offer a decent payday for those authors selected. When those same authors encourage their friends and family to subscribe or advertise in short fiction publications, pay to authors will increase … as will the number of publications. Eventually, short fiction will rebound as a genre to everyone’s benefit.

One good thing has come out of our experience with publishing. Our staff has vowed to subscribe to the magazines they submit items to. … not because they think they will necessarily be published, but because they understand that the health of the short fiction publication market must be maintained or our genre will go the way of the dodo bird. We hope that you will consider taking the same pledge. Together we can keep short fiction alive and viable as a reading and writing choice.

The Publishers and Editors of Pithy Pages For Erudite Readers

MISSED OPPORTUNITIES

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MISSED OPPORTUNITY

MIssed Opportunies by Kenneth Harper Finton ©2014

 

“We often miss opportunity because it’s dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas A. Edison

 

 

OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS ONCE?

Does opportunity only knock once? Leon Spinks said it was so. He said that “opportunity knocks only once. You never know if you’ll get another opportunity.” Leon knows about knocking. He was the boxer that defeated Mohammad Ali in February of 1978 in a fifteen round decision fight.

Nonetheless, opportunity presents itself often. Opportunity is a set of circumstances that makes it possible to do something.  Hopefully, this action is a creative act, but it could just as easily be destructive.

Opportunities are time sensitive. We have all missed many opportunities. Sometimes they slide by unrecognized. Sometimes we are not ready for them. Sometimes we choose to ignore them.

Whatever your secret desires, there are always ways to make them ripen.

 

“MAKE IT SO”

“Make it so,” was the mantra of Captain Picard in Star Trek: the New Generation. Making it so is the secret to getting the task done.

We have opportunities today that people did not have in the past. We can develop relationships with brilliant and creative people all over the world through our new information technology. Highly creative people tend not only to recognize opportunity, but have placed themselves in a position to make something of it.

Almost every problem has a solution. It is creativity that solves these problems. We are all creative. Creativity is the hallmark of humanity.

The mind is constantly occupied and thoughts appear constantly, seemingly from nowhere. Since these ideas and observations are easily lost, it is wise to archive then in some fashion. Carry a notebook and write them down. Have a digital camera to document the out-of-the ordinary and use the video on your cell phone to make audio/visual notes that you can sort and transcribe at a later time.

It is that same mind that prevents us from taking advantage of opportunities. Exceptional creativity comes from an open mind that is not afraid of the unorthodox. Prejudice, uninformed religious beliefs and dogmas, political pressures and peer uniformity are all enemies of the open mind.

We need to be ready for opportunity. Rita Coolidge said, “Too often opportunity knocks, but by the time you push back the chain, push back the bolt, unhook the two locks and shut off the burglar alarm, it is too late.”

Being thankful for our limited talents and grateful in accepting our weaknesses helps us to clear our minds and look at things from different perspectives. Both resentment and complacency run amuck in today’s society. Dwelling on these things can put us in an unproductive mind set that can stymy our ability to recognize opportunity.

IS THERE VALUE TO PRAYER?

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by Kenneth Harper Finton ©2014

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Those who believe that a personal God has a special will – a will greater than our own – think that God can hear their prayers and possibly be made to care enough about the situation enough to give them an answer.

Those who see no evidence at all that prayers are answered say, “No, the only people who care are those in your individual circle. God, if there is such a thing, has nothing to do with it.”

Then there are those in the middle who are not positive deep within that there is a divine being with a will for humanity. Just in case there is, they subscribe to a moral code written by some religion of combination of religions.

Prayer is interpreted differently by all the above.

Some see prayer as kneeling down beside the bed or before some vivid image. They fold and clasp their hands and give thanks or asking for blessings. Some make a habit of holding hands around the table as reciting some rote blessing that passes through us like an ineffective TV commercial.

But it this really prayer?

prayer definition

prayer

pre(ə)r/

noun

noun: prayer; plural noun: prayers

  1. a solemn request for help or expression of thanks addressed to God or an object of worship.”I’ll say a prayer for him”
  1. synonyms:
  1. invocation, intercession, devotion; archaicorison “the priest’s murmured prayers”

2.

  • a religious service, especially a regular one, at which people gather in order to pray together.”500 people were detained as they attended Friday prayers”
  • an earnest hope or wish.”it is our prayer that the current progress on human rights will be sustained”

 

Of all those definitions, I like the third the best: an earnest hope or wish. There is something about hope that foretells and defines the future. There is something about thanks that defines and appreciates the present.

Appreciating the present is the key ingredient of happiness.

The way be can do this is to take a small break in our routine and consciously be thankful for those good things that brought us to this moment and respectful to the bad things that also brought us to this moment.

Our present contains all the good things that have happened as well as the bad. Nature provides the bad things to keep us moving and progressing. What matters is the nature of the movement forward. Focusing on the good we want to accomplish will keep us on a chipper and more productive path.

These efforts need not public, as they are in essence a private thing. Prayer does not even have to be called prayer to be effective. Call it meditation … call is a cigarette break … call it a pause to reflect … call it reevaluation. It is all the same thing if the objective is to bring good will and happiness into the future.

 

Thanks for reading. Follow me at:

www.kennethharperfinton.com

REJECTION

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Rejection is often more painful than physical wounds and physical pain. It affects our entire state of being. Rejection can linger and fester like an infected wound. Even mild rejections can send us into feelings of isolation and wound our sense of self-worth. Brain scans show that the very same areas of the brain are activated during feelings of rejection as those areas that experience real physical pain.

Rejection has deep roots. Even in early human history, our survival depended upon inclusion in the social structure of the tribe. Rejection and ostracism could easily result in death. Our brains evolved to feel rejection in our pain receptors.

Dcanstock9859268espite the many thousands of years of human experience, modern humans still live in tribes. We tend to call these tribes families and groups. But they are tribes nonetheless. Our brains developed an early warning system so that rejections felt painful enough to make us change our behavior before total ostracism could occur.

We learn early that rejection is a fact of life and we must learn to deal with it. We learn that rejection comes in different degrees of severity and from many different sources. However, even mild rejection can cause chain reactions of memories and painful experiences to recur in the psyche.

Rejections destabilize us. Belonging is our most precious asset and rejection causes us to lose the urge to belong. We withdraw. In severe cases, we can become angry. We can feel the need to strike back – sometimes going as far as mass shootings, aggression, or self-destruction.

Through my illness I learned rejection. I was written off. That was the moment I thought, Okay, game on. No prisoners. Everybody’s going down. – Lance Armstrong 

Rerejection signjection causes self-doubt. It is a blow to our self-esteem. Yet, if you think about it, a runaway sense of self-esteem is not something to be desired. Social living requires that we temper our self-esteem. Rejection is a tool to keep our expectations and feelings of self-worth in check and balanced. Feelings of rejection do not respond to reason. We either pick ourselves or others apart looking for reasons for rejection. Perhaps we will find a real fault we need to correct and perhaps we will imagine a fault that does not really exist and make it real. Rejection lowers our intelligence and our ability to think clearly. That we will ponder the reasons for rejection is a foregone conclusion: that we will come up with a reasonable solution is not.

marilyn-monroe3Rejection is a universal problem for everyone. Marilyn Monroe said, “Sometimes I feel my whole life has been one big rejection.” We all know where that led.

Billy Joel said, “I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.”

B640px-Bob_Dylan_in_November_1963ob Dylan said, “The world don’t need any more songs… as a matter of fact, if nobody wrote any songs from this day on, the world ain’t gonna suffer for it. Nobody cares.” I am not certain when Dylan said this, but it had to be during some period when he felt rejected. What he says is both true and false. True, the world does not need any more songs. There are already masterpieces enough for any occasion. But it is false that the world is not going to suffer from the lack of new songs. Songs write and reflect the essence of an era.

The history of our lives is our journey through rejection and acceptance. Some of us are far more adept at recovery and recreation than others. Michael York said, “I think that you have to believe in your destiny; that you will succeed. You will meet a lot of rejection and it is not always a straight path. There will be detours––so enjoy the view.”

Writers, musicians, and artists are old hands at dealing with rejection, yet every rejection is different and every move that we must make to overcome the associated emotions of rejection and pain are unique to the moment.

Taking time to process the rejection is essential. Big rejections do not go away easily. All rejections have a cumulative effect on us. Perhaps only time itself will resolve the problem. Talking with trusted friends helps, so long as we do not do it incessantly. Wallowing in misery is never good. When we find ourselves doing that, we need to do something else.

Airing our feelings of SaihiHitsugayarejection on the Internet is counterproductive. People do not want to hear about our emotional distress. Besides, the Internet never forgets and we will be stuck with our poor attitudes for much longer than we think. Your next boss or your next lover might get a bad opinion of the way you handle problems. The quicker we deal with rejection and move on, the happier we will be. Most rejections are not personal, so we do not need to make them personal. Knowing when to quit is hard, but essential. Some goals that we set for ourselves are bound to be unrealistic. We have millions of goals in a lifetime. Most of them are unrealistic. With time and the help of others around us, we learn to know the difference and teach ourselves to lead balanced lives. We need to realize that we give out rejection as much as we receive it. Giving a person a specific reason for rejection not only makes them feel better, but we are better people for having this ability.

If we cannot get rid of our feelings of rejection, can we treat it like pain and take medications for it? Functional magnetic resonance tests show that people who take acetaminophen daily for three weeks have less pain-related activity in their brains than people on placebos. Daily doses of acetaminophen, it seems, can cure some rejection pains.